A video released by TMZ on Monday showing Ray Rice physically abusing his fiancée at the time has been bringing about heated discussions on social media and the press about domestic violence.
The video shows a man, who has been confirmed to be Ray Rice, and a woman in an elevator at an Atlantic City casino heated in an argument. Rice strikes his now-wife, Janay Palmer, and his hits eventually cause her to hit her head on the wall and fall to the ground. Rice then drags her unconscious body out of the elevator.
Palmer, however, posted on her private Instagram, of which a screenshot was posted on Twitter, "No one knows the pain that the media and unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass off for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific."
Her support for her husband led to the start of the #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft, through which thousands of individuals have been sharing their experiences of domestic abuse.
"You don't have to hit someone to break them. Emotional abuse is still abuse, and he told me he'd kill himself if I left him. #whyistayed," tweeted one user.
"bc when you're called weak, oversensitive, and dumb over and over again you start to believe the problem is you #WhyIStayed," tweeted another.
Some have been using the hashtags to commend those who were willing to share their stories. One tweeted, "If you aren't reading #whyistayed, you should be. Incredibly powerful & shows how twitter can be used for good. Kudos to these brave women."
However, some believe that #WhyIStayed is the wrong question to ask, and perpetuates the victim-blaming cycle that many refer to in terms of rape.
""Why didn't you leave?' is to domestic violence what "Why were you out so late?' is to rape; it puts the focus on the victim's choice to stay rather than the abuser's choice to hit her," wrote Charlotte Alter in TIME Magazine.
Similarly, Justin and Lindsey Holocomb wrote in Christianity Today, "[#WhyIStayed] is an important question; however, focusing on the abuser's behavior"”rather than the woman's response to his behavior"”is crucial to overcome any feelings of guilt for what has happened to them. Our hope is that people will instead begin asking, "Why does he choose to abuse?'"
In the midst of this heated discussion all over the world through the media, Christian writers have been reminding readers to remember that Christians must remember and hold on to God's grace.
"The deepest message of the ministry of Jesus and the Bible is the grace of God to all of us because we are all broken people in a broken world," continued the Holocombs. "Grace is most needed and best understood in the midst of sin, suffering, and brokenness."
In a blog post through the Gospel Coalition, Alex Duke wrote in rhetorical "what ifs" describing the incident as well as the church, ultimately highlighting the sinfulness of each person, and the grace that allows sinners to be reconciled to God.
"What if I told you that, every Sunday across the world, former cowards and cold-cockers, former lazy-legs and door-proppers, former God-haters and Bible-disbelievers, former chauvinists and misogynists, all come together as one enfleshed gathering, one body of Christ, for the purposes of singing to and worshiping the God who both saved them individually and united them all to each other corporately?" he wrote.
Ray Rice, a former NFL player, has been suspended from playing on the field for an indefinite period of time, and Palmer has not filed any legal claims against him.
